Put this post back where it goes!

While we were in Boston several weeks ago, my brother-in-law Jay approached my sister-in-law Lauren with the newly folded laundry. Working his way through the stacks, he proceeds to hand her a folded blanket.

“Go ahead and put it away, Jay” she tells him.

“Where should I put it?” he asks.

“Where it goes.”

“Where’s that?”

This is the blanket that Jay has been using to keep his toes warm in his favorite chair while watching television for the past eight years. It seems his male brain had never deemed familiarity with the blanket something worth worrying about. This blew Lauren’s female brain mind.

Honestly, I can relate to Jay. There have been many times when I’ve found myself with a folded article or toy to put away and thinking to myself in a panic “I know I’ve seen where this goes. I know it.” Last week I was putting away bath mats, and accidentally put the kids’ mat in our bathroom and vice versa. I knew they were mats, I knew they went on the tub, but I couldn’t remember which went where. Even as I write this I couldn’t say with confidence whether green goes in our bathroom or the kids. Apparently it matters, I just can’t figure out why.

Our friend Brian often gets mixed up which underwear is his daughter’s and which is his wife’s. I have a simple mnemonic for this myself: The underwear with Hello Kitty on them belongs to the 5-year-old (although I do understand this doesn’t hold true in all households).

And the biggest problem of all is redecoration. Andrea likes to keep her house up to date, periodically redecorating rooms, especially as the children get older and outgrow their kiddie furniture. While great for the curb appeal of our home, it’s more than my Neanderthalish mind can handle. In the playroom, where white bins have been replaced by wooden cabinets, I find myself asking “God, where in the world does Captain America go now?” Eventually I just give up, and Captain America takes up temporary residence on the train table (very temporary, of course, because the train table is literally being replaced this weekend).

In the end, giving up is usually what I do best. When making beds, Chiara’s pillows stand up. Cody’s lay flat. Don’t get them wrong. Who can remember this [stuff]? I give up!

But I’ve devised the perfect solution for Andrea – given the bird-brained capabilities of the male cranium, take a solution that has worked with birds. Build a device that rewards and punishes behavior, and the brain will teach itself. Stand the pillows up, and get a pellet of food. Lay the pillows down, get a mild shock.

Or wait, was it lay the pillows down for food?  ………ZAAAAP!