Lunch

This is second in my 3-part series on why meals stink when you are a parent. For breakfast, see here.

One of the tasks I dread in life – because it is relentless, every night - is packing lunches. Packing for Andrea and myself is bad enough. At least there we can rely on a few good standbys like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It’s boring, but it gets the job done. The kids, however, don’t eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or any kind of sandwich. So you have to get creative. Cheese stick and apple sauce? Does that count as a meal? How about hummus and pepperoni?

Part of the process, every night, is checking the menu at Sweet Kiddles to see if the kids will eat the next day lunch there. There was a point where the novelty of eating the school lunch was enough to get them to eat almost anything that was served there (“Mommy, mommy, today we had Foie Gras and I liked it!” … well, okay, maybe not). No more. Now one or both children won’t eat virtually every meal. Beef Goulash? Chiara loves it, and Cody hates it. Chicken Patty Sandwich? You guessed it, Cody loves it, Chiara hates it. Plus the curve balls- Cody liked Swedish Meatballs last time but four weeks of deep thought on the subject matter and they no longer suit his more mature palate. Forget that someone needed a lunch that day and you are in hot water later. Luckily Miss Lynn has many cream-cheese-and-cracker tricks up her sleeve.

There is one, and only one, blessed meal where both children will eat it: Macaroni and Cheese with hot dog pieces. Chiara loves macaroni. Cody loves hot dog. It is the greatest dish conceived by man as far as we’re concerned – at least since Sweet Kiddles stopped serving Foie Gras.

Ladies and gentlemen, this week Wednesday, August 21, 2013, was macaroni and cheese and hot dog day. It was a great day. And that made Tuesday, August 20, 2013 a great evening.

The macaroni and cheese, as well as every other meal at Sweet Kiddles, is surrounded by fruits and vegetables in an attempt to ensure a healthy diet. As far as my kids are concerned, these are just garnish. They would no sooner eat the peas served at lunch than you or I would eat the sprig of parsley atop our Morton’s Steakhouse steak. When we pack a lunch, we often pack veggie crisps since they eat them and they maybe, just maybe, get some nutrients into the kids. We’re being delusional, of course. Reading the nutrition label on veggie crisps reveals they provide 2% daily allowance of Vitamin A, 0% Vitamin C, Sodium 26%. Read the ingredients: potato flakes are listed first. Yes, veggie crisps are Pringles with some food coloring in earth-toned packaging.

There’s one more course at lunch, which we have no problem getting our kids to eat – it’s the candy course. We must pack a piece of candy in each lunch, or we hear about it later. The kids also usually get a piece of candy on their way home from school at the end of the day, and often one more at dinner. I often wonder: How did we end up giving out so much candy? The simple fact is: it’s the law of precedent in action. A loving gesture on their mother or father’s part one day long ago turned into candy every lunch, ride home and dinner, presumably for the rest of their lives.

The rewards of parenting are far away and the pain is close. Sort of like dieting. And like dieting, sometimes you need the little cheats to get through the painful parts. One Hersey kiss isn’t going to wreck your diet, nor will it wreck your child’s upbringing. You can tell I’m an expert at both diet and childrearing: the first by my masculine, athletic physique and second by my calm, collected presence with my children. The secret to the physique is veggie crisps. The secret to the collected presence? Macaroni and cheese and hot-dog lunches.