When exactly did “dumb” become a bad word?

My vocabulary is diminishing the longer we have kids. It’s not because we dumb down our conversation to their level. Andrea and I still use words like expedite, hypothesis and tangential while talking to the kids.

No, life is becoming increasingly restrictive in terms of the “bad” words I can use. Of course all of the pure, non-debatable curse words were of course first to go. Even though some of these were once staples of my communication, even I had the self-restraint to largely eliminate these words myself. As my three year old became a terror I started losing my resolve, but there’s nothing like hearing him say “gottendannit! gottendannit!” that will put a stop to that. You can guess which expletive he developed that from.

Then there are all of the substitute words. Andrea’s trick is to use words like sugar and fudge in place of her true feelings. My personal favorites - darn, dang, drat, stinkin’, friggin’, frickin’, freakin’ - are no longer allowed. And it’s not without merit: when my five-year-old started saying “I wanted chocolate milk, dang it!” Andrea was, shall we say, unimpressed. I could only muster a sheepish defense.

It goes without saying that any sexually explicit or otherwise vulgar words are off limits. Naturally, any references to human waste are similarly eliminated. The kids aren’t supposed to say, for example, poop, except in the context of needing help going potty. This, of course, is maybe Cody’s favorite thing in the world to say because of the reaction it causes – he basically runs around all day saying poopy brains, poopy head, poopy poopy poopy! about every solitary thing in his surroundings, raising the ire and blood pressure of his mother and me. Chiara is very helpful in this situation, reminding us repeatedly that “Cody said poopy!” and ignoring when we say “ignore it!”

Ok, so it’s not easy, but any grown adult with a little bit of will power can eliminate the above and it’s perfectly reasonable to do so. The next level is trickier. Most words that evoke any bad feelings at all are now off limits as well: hate, kill, shut up, stupid, jerk. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember that a word you used to use in everyday life is now forbidden.

And every so often, I’m blind-sided during normal conversation. When, in the midst of daily life, I’m interrupted mid-sentence by someone in the family saying “you can’t say ‘dumb’!” all I can do is offer a blank stare and say “when did ‘dumb’ become a bad word?”

So, as this trend continues, I can project a very limited future. Therefore, I will close with the one sentence that I predict will be allowable one year from now:

I am job!